Bad Teacher (Film #16)

Remember when Cameron Diaz was a Charlie's angel and people thought she was fun loving and swell, even if she laughed like a horse, because she had a rockin' body?

yeah, this isn't THAT Cameron Diaz.

Which, I guess, means she has "range" - if you consider "superficial bitch" a stretch (and for the record, I really don't here). Whatever.

Here's the premise: Elizabeth Halsey (Diaz) loves money. Money, money, money. And hates teaching, a career she is partaking in until her fiance marries her and she can retire to a world of wealth that she never had to earn. Sufficed to say that plan doesn't work (or, you know, as the muppets would say, this movie would have been a lot shorter). It's back to work for dear Elizabeth who spends her nights binge-drinking and getting high with her creepy Craigslist roommate and her days showing movies to her middle-school aged students who are content to do no work and let their teacher sleep.

Right. Because that's not a damning depiction of the American educational system from all levels.

It does, naturally, get worse (for America's teachers) and a bit better for Miss Halsey. A new substitute teacher is an heir to some made-up clock fortune who is apparently biding his time in education until he finds something else to tickle his fortune. He is played by Diaz's real-life ex Justin Timberlake and that possible tension is the only thing compelling about the film.

Unfortunately, JT only likes girls with big hearts. And boobs.

Fortunately, Elizabeth is willing to have surgery.

Unfortunately, she lives with the Craigslist moocher and has no money for new tits.

Fortunately, she has the wealth of her students to exploit - from fundraisers to "tutoring".

Unfortunately, it's still not enough.

Fortunately, there's a bonus for the teacher who gets the best scores on the state's standardized test and that should be enough to cover the rest of the costs.

Unfortunately, that's where the film totally lost me.

Look, I get it. Elizabeth is a superficial girl who has to learn her real priorities and strengths in life in order to grow and succeed and get a boyfriend who doesn't awkwardly dry hump her while yelling "No talking!" (Timberlake's BEST scene in the movie, BTW). But damn.

A female protagonist who is a greedy, money-hungry golddigger, a school filled with highly incompetent admin and teachers who are either over-the-top nutso enthusiasts or dispassionate drug addicts who could care less, a romantic triangle with the most unlikable three characters in the planet, and THEN they promote teaching to the test!

FOR SHAME!

Actually, I'm pretty sure this film is a subversive examination of the dangers of stifling teacher freedom and creativity in the classroom by mandating that we limit ourselves to the standardized tests that get used to evaluate our success in the classroom.

But convince other people of that!

I don't know, the whole movie felt shamefully hollow to me and the end - which I will spoil for you right now - where Elizabeth becomes a GUIDANCE COUNSELOR because she had some small degree of success helping a nerdy boy score major points with his peers (BY GIVING HIM HER BRA!!!) and no degree of success as a teacher is perhaps the most upsetting chestnut of them all.

Sorry, just didn't get the point of this one!